The Horrible Sexy Vampire(1970)
Director: Jose Luis Madrid
Cast: Val Davis(Waldemar Wohlfahrt), Barta Barri, Anastasio Campoy
Horrible is the word for this absolutely dreadful early 70s nonsense that contains a vampire that is neither horrible nor that terribly sexy! This film left me asking a whole heck of alot of questions, many that will most likely remain unanswered. Like why does the original poster suggest this is a Frankenstein movie as well as a vampire one? Trust me, the doctor nor his creation make an appearance, which is probably just as well considering the quality of this turkey. Though, it's kind of a neat poster, huh?
Now that all the supposed heroes are dispatched within the first twenty minutes, the film just seems to get even more incoherant. A cousin of the Count(also played by Davis, I mean Wohlfahrt) arrives and meets with the new detective on the case, who does virtually nothing the rest of the movie. This English Count named Oblensky, travels to his estate to debunk any rumors and just gets drunk and wear really horrible fashions that include a black furry sweater that looks like something an effeminate mountain man might own. He tells the police that he has seen the dead Count, but they don't believe him and meanwhile, lots of girls are taking their clothes off and getting strangled by the Count! None of them are all that great for the curious voyeurs, but one of the movie's biggest, unintentional laughs occurs when the Count attacks some red headed chick, gets a load of her and makes this goofy face as he begins to feel her up and reach to rip off her underwear, where it immediately cuts! I'm assuming that this version i've seen was an edited one and that there's probably some funny business on hand. Maybe the original version reveals why he was so horrible?
There were many of these Italian and Spanish made vampire films throughout the 60s and 70s, but this one was undeniably one of the silliest. The castle set isn't that terrible, but is barely utilized for any atmosphere and the potential of the grainy color photography is all but lost of the inept filmmakers. The cast are all awful, delivering terribly awkward lines of dubbed dialouge that have to be heard to be believed. All of the police men react to the series of murders as nothing more than a purse robbery and it makes for a surreal experience. Davis is hilarious throughout the film, looking as the undead Count, like a reject from The Fearless Vampire Killers(1967), and saying often ridiculous things while hardly drinking any blood. The scenes of Davis in combat with himself are really something to see. He's as bland as they get, but is so fascinatingly inept that he actually helps bring the film some entertainment value. The nudity quotient is considerably high and it's suggested that there is probably a more explicit european release somewhere, though I can't really imagine who would bother. It's all pretty mediocre and surprisingly, unexciting. With virtually no gore either, schlock fans are left with rather slim pickings. Of course, there is that title and man, is it a hoot. Unfortunately, there's also a film attached to it.